How much of yourself do you put in your relationship?

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Do you know that the level and form of temperament you show in your relationship at specific times determine how well your relationship will go?

Psychologically, according to research, every human is made up of two or more temperaments and the type of temperament one allows to show in a given situation gives different results.

It should be noted that a couple might have similar personality traits. Most couples do not have same personality traits; the difference in temperament outlook is not bad, it can spice up and strengthen a relationship.

While comparing a relationship that has two volatile individuals with another that consists of two calm people, we might be forced to logically conclude that the calm ones will have a successful relationship, well, it might not always be so. In every relationship, there is always a period for sweetness, seriousness, hotness, coolness, anger, silence, noise, playfulness, sadness etc. The interaction of these characteristics must be well blended in an individual. These dynamism are what attract the two forces and glue them together with the adhesive called, ‘love’. You sometimes hear a man say, “i don’t know why I do, but I just love her; her smile, her laughter; her anger, the way she speaks.” All these are her personality traits.

The ironic part of this is that, the reaction a person gives towards a particular action, might be absolutely different from the reaction of another person towards that particular action. For instance, some partners get excited when their relationship partner gets angry, while other partners get annoyed when their relationship partner gets angry. A choleric guys might like a phlegmatic lady, while a sanguine guy might not like that same lady. Everything equates to personality reactions.

No one is 100℅ choleric, sanguine, phlegmatic and melancholic. There is always the combination of two or more, with one dominating the other, despite this, the recessive temperaments will sometimes come into surface when the right emotional situation comes into play.

Generally, choleric and sanguine are the extroverts, while the phlegmatic and melancholic are the introverts. Look are these scenarios:

A 60% choleric and 40% phlegmatic woman gets involved in an argument with her romantic partner who is 70% phlegmatic, 20% choleric and 10% sanguine. The woman is naturally hot-tempered and she could feel her blood boiling hot, but as the argument mounts up with her partner shouting angrily, she keeps quite and slowly walks up to her partner, hugs him and whispers ‘ I am sorry ‘ despite the fault that it was clearly not her fault. Her partner keeps quite, hugs her back and apologies for his outburst.


Looking at the above descriptive, in that situation during a confrontation, the woman allowed her phlegmatic trait to surface. A Phlegmatic person is a calm, easy going and never-get-upset person. Let’s assume her choleric nature won, the outcome wouldn’t have been the same as above.

An 80% melancholic and 20% sanguine man has a blind date with a 50% choleric and 50% phlegmatic woman. Both sit on different chairs with two cups of coffee on a table between them. They have been staring at their cups awkwardly with barely a word shared after the initial greetings. After few boring hours, the lady excuses herself, goes to the restroom, pretends to have an important call, then carries her bag off the chair and takes off. The man mumbles a ‘goodbye’ and heaves a sigh of disappointment.


This other example shows two couple who refused to allow their extroverted traits to come onto play. Well, it might be no fault of theirs; their recessive traits might not be well developed, they might also likely not be aware of it.

It is obligatory of everyone in any form of relationship, whether platonic or romantic to know and understand their temperaments and that of their partner in order to know how to react when confronted with opposite temperament.

To what level should I react? What should I say? Should I listen or ignore? Knowing the answers to questions like this is a prerequisite to a healthy and successful information. But sometimes, it’s always good to overlook some things because a relationship has two different people from two different backgrounds with different personalities. According to Miyako Matsumoto and Masao Matsumoto of Japan, the oldest couple according to Guinness world record, the key to a successful relationship is patience.

To fully grasp the four temperaments to an extent, after you have gone through the period of self-recovery and you are already aware that you are both the combination of melancholy and phlegmatic(melphleg), you can act like a choleric and sanguine for some days. Do what only those two temperaments can do. It’s more or less like putting yourself in the shoe of others, so you will come to be familiar with their actions and reactions to situations. We can do all these but it’s important to know that our basic personality traits are under strong genetic influences and are not easy to change, but can be managed.

Let me remind you to always love yourself. Before you can have a successful relationship, you need to know yourself , get reacquainted with yourself and absolutely love yourself because you need to have it internally before you can show it externally.

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