Your relationship talk might not necessarily be about break up, it might be about your sex life, money or family issues. You might be currently confused on how to bridge an issue eating you up from the inside out, to your partner that you think about it everyday and everywhere.
You are not alone on this, in fact, millions of couples have gone through this tunnel and some are currently going through it. There are ways this talk can be handled. Kate Forsythe, a specialist in sexuality, relationships and divorce has posited 7 ways for preparing for the tough talk.
- Give your partner a heads-up that you would like to carve out time for a serious talk. The four words men hate most are “We Need To Talk”. If a woman says that to a guy, he dreads it, and he may balk, but the conversation needs to happen. Just the opposite is true for most women. When a guy says that to a woman, she may be anxious, but she is likely to welcome the opportunity for discussion. Recognize that you’re coming from completely different corners.
- Creat three talking points (and only three!) and memorize them. Be able to make each point in one sentence. If you say nothing else, these are the points you need to make. Now you have a skeleton outline to help you return to the issues at hand if you get sidetracked.
- Be concise. We tend to say too much. Say it once. Let silence happen while your partner processes your points.
- Don’t be in it to win it. Be in it to discover how your partner sees it. In fact, ask, “How do you see it?” This attitude shift is critical. It’s not a fight. It’s a discussion.
- Stay in the present! Do not bring up past transgressions no matter how tempting it is to zap him with old atrocities. That’s hitting below the belt. Defensiveness and anger will follow, and your talk will dissolve into an argument no one can win.
- After you’ve covered your three talking points, ask, “Where do we go from here?” Be prepared with your own suggestions, but listen to your partner’s ideas, too. He or she may suggest alternatives that never crossed your mind.
- If you’re reduced to shouting, be confident enough to end the discussion. Suggest you both think about what happened and set a time to talk within three days when both of you have calmed down.
Following these tactics is a sure guarantee for having a mature heart to heart talk even when it gets emotional. Once you’ve said everything that needs to be said, you will notice a freedom where there used to be tension.
So, take the leap now. Stop your procrastination and say everything that needs to be said.