My Father Raped Me When I Was 11, Now He Wants To Reconcile

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One of those unwritten stories. This is a true life story of a pedophilic homosexual incest rape survivor:

I don’t blame those children who want nothing to do with their parents because some parents are evil. I am not going to introduce myself, I just wanna write my story and show people how some children’s lives are destroyed intentionally by the hands of their parents.

So I was an eleven year old boy when my father raped me. Yes, I was a ‘boy’, I am now a 32 yrs old man married to my beautiful wife and with 2 kids.

Then, my mom was one of those typical career women who rarely stayed at home. I wouldn’t blame her because my dad had no job. She was the breadwinner, he was the housekeeper and they were both satisfied with it. There were never any arguments between them because my mom did her duty efficiently and my dad did his too.

When my mom started her itinerancy, I noticed that my dad was always having male visitors who sometimes stayed overnight with my dad in the room. I was a little boy, i didn’t see anything bad about it since they weren’t women. Sometimes, these men played with me is such provocative manners that made me uncomfortable even in front of my dad who would watch me squirming and trying to get away from the unwanted rough play.

There was this uncle that usually visit my dad almost every weekend when my mom was away, on that Friday, he came as usual. I was in my room reading some books when I got thirsty, on my way to the kitchen I saw a sight that nearly stopped my young heart. I won’t elaborate because it was disgusting. The two men noticed me at the staircase and the other man looked me in the eyeball, grinning and asked, “do you like it?” My dad stood up and shouted at me to go back to my room. I ran back to my room on jelly legs, though I was young, but I knew what I saw them doing was very wrong.

That same night, my dad entered my room drink and naked with only his boxers on. He woke me up and told me to put off my clothes, I told him I did not want to have my bathe again in the night. He slapped me, and I quickly put the clothes off because I knew my dad to be a very mean drunk. He told me to bend down on the bed and I felt something in my anus, I was alarmed, I wanted to pull away but my strength was no match to his. He rammed into me and I felt this tear on me. I screamed until I became exhausted and allowed him to do whatever he wanted. Before he left, he told me that if I ever told my mother about the men who visited, he would tell her that I slept with men and boys. I was left in tears, shame, pain and fear. I didn’t leave my room until my mother came back. She saw my withdrawal from people and fear of men. After several cajoling and unexplained nightmares, I confessed everything to her and till present, I am so glad I did.

After my confession, several events took place, but to cut the long story short, my mother divorced my dad, quitted her job and took me out of that house. Her love and many counseling sessions with psychologists brought me out of my trauma. After 21 yrs, I received a massage from am anonymous number saying my father was requesting for me. To be honest, when I saw the word ‘father’, my dear came back with a full force but then I knew he could no longer hurt me. I told my mom and my wife(she already knew about my past) and we all went to see the man. Despite me been grown up and all, I was still afraid to approach this monster that called himself me dad, alone. He was in a piteous state in one hospital at Abeokuta, he was suffering from kidney and liver problems and could not control his defecation and urination. When he saw me, he started crying and begging for my forgiveness. He was dying and he didn’t want to go to his grave a damned man and father. I was so pissed and angry that I wanted to kill him, I looked him on the eyes and told him that I would never forgive him, then I walked out.

I know so many people would castigate my action, but if only they can out themselves in my shoes. I don’t know if the man is still alive or dead and I don’t care. I want to ask a question, if you the one on my shoes, what would you have done?

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Interpersonal communication in this era of social media

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Written by: Afolabi Franca

There are no doubts that the internet is doing an indispensable task of bringing people together and compressing the world into a small global village.

Despite these magnanimous tasks the internet is doing, it has brought a devastating effect on the communication tree through the emergence of social media.

Several decades ago, the major line of communication was through interpersonal mean. Communal interaction was buttressed through one-on-one basis; people seeked the physical  presence of others to pass messages and even letters and other written form of communication were written in an intimate manner. But here comes the social media.

The internet has eaten deep into the root of every society of the world. It has gone pervasive to the extent that no one bothers with the traditional media anymore (radio, television, newspaper and magazine) for news. It’s no surprising that even in a rail way station or school, majority of passengers or students are always head bowed over their phone, laptop, podcast, iPad or any other Internet oriented implement.

Majority of everything is got from the social media. The end result of this rapid pervasiveness becomes that no one readily seeks eachother for interaction; people prefer to stay glued to their social media pages than to go out and communicate. Even the conventional method of teaching in educational institutions has been affected, some lazy lecturers teach through webinars and even conduct class exercises over the net.

According to Dr. Paul Booth, an Assistant Professor at DePaul University, “a shift has occurred in the way we communicate, we prefer mediated means of communication to face-to-face or interpersonal communication”. Social interaction has been enhanced through social media, but the mode of interaction has been made impersonal instead of interpersonal. Booth, cited in Keller (2013:10) believes that interactions on social media tend to be weak-tied, that is, the interactions are devoid of feeling of personal connection and this feeling of connectivity is a prerequisite for interpersonal relationship.

Regarding the reasons why we prefer social media over interpersonal communication are that, first, we tend to trust those people we communicate with at the other end of the social media line, so our messages tend to be more open. This is because we only know the façade people bring into the surface. We are limited to the knowledge they only want us to know. So, a man portrayed as a doctor on social media is what we would believe and trust to be true. Second, our social connections are not strengthened as much through social media as they are face-to-face, so we do not tend to deepen our relationship- they tend to exist in the status quo. Last, and most importantly, we tend to follow and interact with people who agree with our point of view. So we aren’t getting the same diversity of viewpoints as we have gotten in the past. Naturally, human detests any form of interest that conflicts with their own, so the social media have brought a solution to that problem by giving us the choice to select those whose perspectives or orientations do not clash with our own, which is not possible in interpersonal relationship.

FUTURE OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

With the current gap of social media infiltration, the future of interpersonal communication looks very dim. Everyday, new social medium emerges with different level and mode of interaction, current media are upgrading to entice more people to participate. A time will come when humans will no longer seek each other out anymore. In fact, we are gradually walking towards that. Everything will be done at the dark corner of our rooms.

Is it our gradual disconnection from interpersonal communication that is causing the high divorce rate and cyber suicide? We can connect lack of good interpersonal communication to these. Over the years, we have seen so many suicides and even murders done over the net especially on social platforms. Victims who have no one to personally talk to become prone to ‘media depression’ and record themselves on that particular platform that have been their companion.

Guaita Jose (2017) says that an evolution has occurred in the way we communicate. There was once a time when we ‘lived’ the moment, now we ‘share’ the moment. So what exactly are we going to be doing at the ‘moment’ in the next few years? It should be at the back of our mind that social media is just a few years over a decade old and it has achieved an insurmountable degree of indispensability. A time will come when interpersonal communication will disappear completely and the only type of communication we would have is the one over the internet and organisational communication.

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