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When I Love You And Hate You: The Interaction Between Love and Hate



I love you and I hate you. It sounds bizarre, doesn’t it? Love-hate relationship is not uncommon. It is used to describe an inter-personal relationship which involves alternating the intense emotions of love and hate. It is based on both intense admiration and irritation. You might not know, but in fact most of us are in a love-hate relationship. Yes! Okay, you are dating this guy, you care about him and love to be with him, but there are times you get so frustrated and tired and at that moment, you think of leaving him and moving on to someone else. Just like I said earlier, most of us are in a love-hate relationship.

A love-hate relationship is strength sapping and it can occur in any type of relationship- sibling, friend, lover or parents. But for the sake of this article, I will be concentrating on the romantic relationship. Relationships are so emotional that it makes us dizzy and frenzy most times. When this occurs, our feelings sway from one emotional spectrum to the other and most couples see this as normal. But is it normal when it plays on your sanity and makes you feel insecure about your future? The downplay of this emotional imbalance in a relationship is detrimental to the emotional wellbeing of the partners. It becomes exhausting, time consuming, distracting and downright irritating.

Does the above look familiar to your current state of well being? Then you might be in a love-hate relationship. The thrill of making up with a partner can be sometimes addictive, but just like every other addictions, it can lead to mental insanity or insalubrity of the overall body. If you are in a relationship that you want to stay on minute and want to leave the other minute, this is an indication that something needs fixing or you get out from that relationship

HOW WOULD I KNOW IF I AM IN A LOVE-HATE RELATIONSHIP?

  1. You love parts of him and absolutely hate the other parts: this might not really be bad, but if the parts you hate is more than the parts you love, please why are you still tormenting yourself? It’s quite obvious that you are on a love-hate relationship.
  2. Your emotions always run intensely: when the love is the air, both of you are like love birds who can’t get enough of each other, but when it goes the other way round, hateful words that center on malice and hatred are exchanged to purposely hurt the feelings of each other.
  3. You constantly break up and make up:
    the highest you have ever stayed together before breaking up is 2 months, then you fight and come back together. This is an emotional turmoil that might leads to violence on the long run.
  4. You see your man as a prize: you don’t really love him but because of the time and energy you have invested in the relationship, you get hooked. You do not see your significant other as a partner but as a prize you are bent on winning along the way.
  5. The relationship lacks focus and purpose: you are in it just because you have been lonely for a long time. Subconsciously, you know the relationship is going nowhere but because you need someone who would be readily available to you and who would fill the void, you decide to keep yourself in that relationship.
  6. The relationship is at face value, it lacks deep connection: you love him, not because of who he his, but because what he has to offer, his money, good looks or connections. You are on love with his physical traits, not his innate characteristics. When he looses all that makes him attractive to you, you are off.
  7. Your public appearance is different from the one behind closed doors: in public, you are the typical perfect couple with smiles and love, but it nags at the back of your mind that it’s all a farce. People are jealous of the perfect font you display outside but you are unhappy because you know that relationship is not a successful one and it’s a sham.
  8. You gossip about your partner: you have been filled with so much resentment that you can’t take it all in again so you result to talking about your partner behind their back. You discuss with friends and associates about those things you hate about him and how unrelenting he is concerning issues. You do this to seek support or validate the verdict you have already pronounced against him. All your friend already knows your intimate relationship issues and problem, it’s either you are a chronic talkative or you are in a love-hate relationship.
  9. You plan to leave at any time: there has been a thought at the back of your mind that when a better person comes by, you are jumping ship. In fact, you are already secretly going out on dates. Once you see someone who doesn’t have those disagreeable features that your partner has, you would replace him within a twinkle of an eyes. If you are in a relationship where you see your partner as being easily replaced, then you are in a love-hate relationship. It might lead to resentment and you might begin to focus more and more on those things you hate about your partner so as to compel yourself to leave through the open door.
  10. When it’s over, you feel relieved: in a normal relationship, when it’s over, both parties out to be emotional down with tears and nostalgic feelings. But when you feel a huge sense of relief when your relationship is over, then you have been in a love-hate relationship. Or, at the beginning of a relationship, the thoughts of leaving your partner leaves your in fear and devastation, but now, the thought of leaving him gives you this huge relief and anticipation, then you are currently in a love-hate relationship.


It might seem wildly exciting and thrilling to fight and make up occasionally, but this kind of relationship is not mentally sustainable. It leaves one weak and resentful. Learn the value of a healthy relationship and try to invite partners who only share those standards of yours.

If you are in this kind of unhealthy relationship, extricate yourself from its venom before it becomes too late. You can have a healthy and sustainable relationship, though not all healthy relationship last long, but distancing oneself from a love-hate relationship will put the odds more in your favour.

About Afolabi Franca

Afolabi Franca is a graduate of mass communication from Adekunle Ajasin University. She is a writer, a blogger and a journalist.

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