Toxic forms of relationship


When we are in a relationship we tell people just that regardless of what effect the relationship is having on us. That is to say, most of us do not know when we are in a toxic relationship. If you feel like you are losing your identity, what you believe in and your sanity in a relationship you might be in a toxic relationship.

Toxic relationships are scattered around us but unless those in it speak out we might be left in the dark. It is Commonplace to see those in toxic relationships deny their predicament, they see confiding on someone as shameful and embarrassing, so when someone in a toxic relationship confide on us, we should take it very seriously because it takes strength to admit to a third-party that they are suffering in their relationship.

Toxic relationships come from different direction. Sometimes we date toxic people, or the friends we keep or parts of our family members are toxic to us. “Every single relationship has a level of toxicity. Nothing is perfect—there’s always some work to be done,” says Ginnie Love Thompson, Ph.D., a psychotherapist in Florida. But it’s when toxicity spirals out of control that problems arise. “If you feel uneasy, you need to stop yourself and ask what the cause is,” says Thompson.

What is a Toxic Relationship?

This is a type of relationship that is Insidious and insalubrious to our mental sanity, physical health and existence as a whole; a relationship that drains you emotionally and physically.

Before we enter into a relationship there are important questions that should be answered and a lot of time should be taken because even if we successfully come out of a toxic relationship we might not come out unscathed. Our relationship might become toxic if we enter into it with an incompatible partner or someone whose journey is at the opposite side of ours. Toxic people drains the happiness off us and you should know that toxic lovers and not necessarily bad people, they might be good people but are not compatible with us.

The thing about a toxic relationship is that you might not recognise it at first. The changes come gradually and they begin to sap you off your happiness and attempt to mould you into something else and then you begin to get frustrated.

Types of Toxic Relationships

According to Adveev Natasha in “types of Toxic Relationships to watch out for”, generally toxic relationships are created into circumstances- when you enter into a relationship with someone who is not compatible with your way of life or when you enter a relationship with someone who is just a bad person. If you are trapped in a toxic relationship you need to find the exit as fast as possible because no matter how much you think you can change the relationship for better you can’t. Change only happens when your partner decides to make a conscious effort to change.

1. The blaming partner

“If your partner is always blaming someone else for why things aren’t going well—whether that person is you, their boss, their mom, their Pilates instructor—that can be a big sign of toxic behavior”, according to Hendrix cited in Mackenzie’s ’10 signs you are in a toxic relationship’. “Part of being in a healthy relationship of any kind means owning your feelings and working through them—not pointing fingers”, she continues.

2. Relationship where partners see themselves as competitors

A little competition in a relationship is a good thing (especially if it pushes you towards a PR in that running challenge you take on as a couple). “Healthy couples support each other’s goals and are happy when each has a win,” Hendrix says. Competitiveness crosses into toxic territory when your partner makes you feel bad for your achievements. If you find yourself hiding your wins from your partner for fear they’ll get jealous or try to tear you down, that’s a toxic situation.

3. A demeaning partner

If your partner is always debasing you through ridicule or name-calling or showing a violent streak, you are in a toxic relationship. This type of partner embarrasses you in front of others, tells you that you are unattractive or unintelligent, downplays or ignores your strengths and accomplishments, makes sarcastic comments in order to hurt you. This is a strain on your confidence and self esteem and might lead to depression.

4. A relationship that leaves you sad daily

“What it really comes down to happiness. You don’t have to justify why you aren’t happy anymore.

It isn’t realistic to expect to be happy in every moment of your relationship, but as a whole, this person should make you happier. He or she should make you feel supported and capable of doing whatever the hell it is you want to do” says Myah Hollis.

“You should know that even though you don’t have control of every aspect of your life and things will fall apart, this person gives you stability. He or she helps you rebuild and gives you hope that things can be the way you think they should be”.

Other types include:

  • A controlling relationship
  • Over jealous partners
  • Nagging lover
  • A cheating partner
  • Negative thinking partner
  • Unsecured partners
  • A relationship based on lies
  • Over demanding partners
  • Partners of perfectionists
  • Narcissistic partner
  • Manipulative partner
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September 2019