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When you have been raped

Unfortunately, Rape is no longer an alien word in today’s world. In fact, A 2014 United Nations Children Education Fund (UNICEF) report titled “Hidden In Plain Sight” said in part that “around 120 million girls worldwide (slightly more than 1 in 10) have experienced forced intercourse or other forced sexual acts at some point in their lives.” Now, this is a statistics of cases that were reported. What about those unreported ones due to fear? Or those that were unreported due to the ignorance of the victims? Rape is a never ending phenomenon, it can never be completely eradicated. It is a dysfunctional behavior among psychopaths.

Gone are those days where only the females were victims, now men and boys have joined the cohort of victims. Men rape women, women rape men, men rape boys, women rape boys, men rape girls, women rape girls, boys rape girls, girls rape boys; this is a cyclical disaster that if not substantially managed, can ruin the functionality of a nation. Rape is an offense of sexual assault; engaging someone sexually without their consent, forcefully, by command or persuading a child who is not legally or mentally liable to consider to sex.

In most countries, perpetrators of rape are given the capital punishment. Still many rape cases go unreported, undetected and undocumented due to the fear and ignorance of victims. The court and law agencies have also made this difficult for rape victims to report. The process is sometimes long, draining and mentally exhausting. Sometimes, cases of rape are swept under the carpet or abandoned on the basis of lack of enough evidence. They are continuously letting down the people.

Rape does not occur only when someone is over powered to have sex. Rape occurs in different ways and the sensitization of people to knowing what constitute will go a long way in curbing and fighting this menace. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, rape is almost always done by men, but that does not mean only men rape. Most female rape victims are raped by someone they are familiar with, an ex or current intimate partner, a friend or acquaintance, or a family member. One sad thing victims have in common is the guilt that the raping wa their fault. But rape is never the victim’s fault. It eats at the psychology and mental state of a victim and can lead to depression, promiscuity, anger or suicidal thoughts- these are the handling mechanism of victims.

There are lots of fabrications about what constitutes rape, if you have questions about what constitutes rape, you are not alone.


1. Pregnant rape victim beaten on several occasions until miscarriages happen

So here it goes, the story of my life. It started when I was about 2 or 3. I am DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) / MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder) and that is the age of my youngest alter. Anyway, my cousins were the abusers. CJ is my age and Mindy is a few years older, and now, I have memories of my aunt.

I know that things started with groping and touching. But then things turned sadistic. Or shall I be nice by saying ritualistic. I was poked and prodded and chemicals were put on my skin. I was beaten by baseball bats, and, of course, I was sodomized. Not just with my cousin’s penis, but with cucumbers, golf clubs, pens, sticks and anything else that was lying around. That lasted until I was about 6. Then I was vaginally raped by my cousin, my other cousin performed oral sex on me, and my aunt manually stimulated me. I remember a wooden spoon once.

Well this was obviously traumatizing enough, but when I was 12, I got pregnant. I was about 15-weeks pregnant before they figured out what was going on. They took a baseball bat and hit my stomach until I miscarried my dear little boy. Isaac Hunter is his name. He was born on 4-12-96. He was also burned that day. Lucky enough he wasn’t alive when they did it.

That was the beginning of my fighting back. I decided I would have to win this for the sake of my dead child. However, before I got enough courage to tell, I got pregnant again. This time I was 18-weeks pregnant when they found out. I was hit with a baseball bat and a salty solution was put inside me. Kaylie Elizabeth was born and burned on 2-1-97. She was 4-inches long, and she had blondish fuzz on her head. My sweet Kaylie. She was also born dead. Besides all the bats, rapes, and beatings, losing those precious babies to the hands of my abusers was the worst thing to happen in my entire life.

After Kaylie, nothing mattered anymore. On February 5th, 1997, I broke my silence. Nothing happened to my abusers, not enough physical evidence, and they “couldn’t prove beyond a reasonable doubt” that there was force and not just consensual. I had showered.

Well, at least I have screamed to the world what happened, and now everyone knows my children’s names. May they RIP. Thanks for listening. -Laura

2. . This man beat me, raped me, and starved me for two years

“When I was two my mom left my dad and started dating (unbeknownst to her) a sadistic pedophile. This man beat me, raped me, and starved me for two years. I still remember it all very vividly and he also did these things to my mom and is also the father of my (recently deceased) sister. The PTSD I endured (and still struggle with) were hell and I’m lucky to be a functioning adult. However, I still hear jokes every single day about how horrible men are and how men can’t be raped and these comments kill me every single time. People suck regardless of gender and anyone can be raped.” -Deathrisk

3. “I woke up the next morning without any pants on, and without any recollection.”

A classmate at the University of Pittsburgh took her out to an Italian restaurant one night during her freshman year, then over to a friend’s house. He handed her a drink. It might have been a juiced vodka. A very strong one.

“I woke up the next morning without any pants on, and without any recollection,” she said.

Except for two details: She remembered there had been a baseball game on television the night before, and that there was an inflatable dolphin in the room.

“I was young,” the woman, now 25, said. “I didn’t understand what happened until later, maybe a few weeks later, when this person made a comment about wanting to see me again and do what he did before. It led me to believe we had some sort of sexual contact.”

If so, the woman said, it was without her consent; she was incapacitated.

“I was in no state of mind” to say yes to sex, she said. “The memory is so, so foggy.”

The man, a couple years older, was kind, good-looking, church-going, close to his family. “I put too much faith in him,” the woman said. “His personality didn’t lead me to believe he would do something like that.”

In the years since, she hasn’t dwelled on the incident. “It hasn’t severely impacted me,” she said. “He’s gone about his life, and I’ve gone about mine.”

4. “I felt so unsafe in the relationship all the time.”

She dated the same man for six years, starting in high school and continuing in college. Only after she left him, moving out of their shared home at the behest of her concerned family, did she realize that she had been raped multiple times during their relationship.

“He was never super violent against me but it was very much a lack of consent,” she said. “He would continue to berate me until I gave in.”

Once when they were driving, for example, he refused to let her out of the car until she performed oral sex. “Eventually I gave in so I could get myself out of that situation,” she said.

Toward the end of their relationship, she began having panic attacks and she didn’t want to leave their house. Later she realized that her anxiety was directly tied to her fears related to sex. “I felt so unsafe in the relationship all the time,” she said.

She said she and her boyfriend grew up believing that in a relationship, it is the woman’s job to meet the needs of the man. She believed that if she withheld sex, it would physically harm her boyfriend.

Neither she nor her boyfriend had ever heard of the concept of consent.

“It was never taught to me, that that was an option, to really say no and mean it,” she said. “He’s a good person and what happened was not due to maliciousness but due to lack of knowledge about boundaries and consent.”

She said that she didn’t talk with her ex-boyfriend until he called her a couple years after they broke up. He had gone through sexual assault training for his job, and he recognized his own behavior. He wanted to apologize.

“For him to recognize he had put me through that was relieving,” she said. “It took a long time for me to label it as assault or rape, and even now it feels weird.”

You have been raped when:

  1. You were forced or threatened to submit.
  2.  A third party very close to you was threatened to be harmed, so you had to submit.
  3.  A third party speaks on behalf of you; he/she consented on your behalf, not you yourself.
  4.  You were incapable mentally of consenting to the activity.
  5.  When you were under the influence of drugs or alcohol and are not able to consent.
  6.  You engaged in sexual activities because the accused induced you by abusing a position of trust, power or authority.
  7.  You expressed in words or conducts a lack of agreement or consent.
  8.  You are a child under the consenting age of 18. Underaged children are incapable of consenting to sexual actions.
  9.  Lies and deception were used to obtain sex.
  10.  You asked your partner to switch positions and they refused.
  11.  You tell your partner they are hurting you during sex, but they ignored you and kept going.
  12.  Your partner forced you to have oral or anal sex with them.
  13.  Your partner kept asking and disturbing for sex after you refused, until you finally say yes against your wish.
  14.  Your partner continued having sex with you after you have changed your mind about having sex.
  15.  Your partner tried to engage in a specific sexual act after you have asked them not to.

The Nigeria Law on Rape- what every Nigerian should know

In Nigeria, there has been a recent violent rage cry against rape. This is an achievement and improvement from our previous indifferent attitude towards rape acts. Aside from governmental activities, non governmental organizations, charities and well minded individuals are giving voices and are waging wars on rape.

Most Nigerians might be aware, but subconsciously that our Constitution has laws that deal with rape. Our awareness on this will lift the veil of ignorance that seems to plague those vulnerable to this sadistic act.

  1.  The Criminal Code – this is applicable in all the Southern States
  2.  The Penal Code – this is applicable in all the Northern States
  3.  The Criminal Laws of Lagos – this is applicable only in Lagos State
  4.  The Violence Against Persons Prohibition Act – this is applicable in only the FCT Abuja.
  5.  The Child Rights Act – this is only applicable in the States which have domesticated it

1. Criminal Code (CC): Under the CC, rape is when any person has sexual intercourse with a woman or girl, without her consent, or incorrectly obtained consent. Consent can be incorrectly obtained where it is obtained:

  • by force/threat/intimidation
  • by means of false and fraudulent representation as to the nature of the act,
  • by a person impersonating a married woman’s husband in order to have sex

Under the CC, sexual intercourse with under aged girls or people with unsound mind is the offence of defilement, and so technically a person could be charged for rape and defilement.

2. Penal Code (PC): Under the PC, rape is when a man has sexual intercourse with a woman against her will, without her consent, or with incorrectly obtained consent. Consent can be incorrectly obtained where it is obtained:

  • by putting her in fear of death or hurt
  • by a person impersonating a married woman’s husband in order to have sex

Further under the PC, sex with a girl under 14 years of age or who is of unsound mind is rape, irrespective of whether there is consent.

Also the PC, explicitly states that sexual intercourse by a man with his wife is not rape.

3. Criminal Laws of Lagos (CLL): Under the CLL, rape is when a man has sexual intercourse with a woman or girl without her consent, or with incorrectly obtained consent. Consent can be incorrectly obtained where it is obtained:

  • by force, impersonation threat or intimidation of any kind
  • by means of false and fraudulent representation as to the nature of the act,

As with the PC, the CLL explicitly states that sexual intercourse by a man with his wife cannot be unlawful, and therefore a man cannot rape his wife.

It is important to note here that in all 3 laws; rape can only occur when the vagina of the woman is penetrated. However, this does not mean that anal unlawful sexual intercourse is allowed. This is a crime, and is covered under different descriptions in each legislation. The penalty for rape across all the laws is life imprisonment (however this is not a mandatory sentence in all of them).

4. Violence Against Persons Prohibition Act (VAPPA): The VAPPA defines rape as when a person intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person with any other part of his/her body or anything else without consent, or with incorrectly obtained consent. Consent can be incorrectly obtained where it is obtained:

  • by force/threats/intimidation
  • by means of false and fraudulent representation as to the nature of the act,
  • by the use of substances capable of taking away the will of that person
  • by a person impersonating a married woman’s husband in order to have sex

As you can see, the VAPPA seems like a very progressive piece of legislation. Unfortunately, the law is only applicable in the FCT, Abuja. It does not apply in of the other States of the Federation.

5. Child Rights Act (CRA): The CRA provides that sex with a child is rape, and anyone who has sexual intercourse with a child is liable to imprisonment for life upon conviction.


If you’ve been raped or sexually assaulted, then you should not suffer in silence. Rape is a crime and should be regarded as one. if you are a victim you should report the matter to ensure that the person is punished, and ensure that the person does not get an opportunity to do it to someone else again in the future.

Reporting rape can be a very emotional and difficult thing to do, so you should consider getting support from organisations like Mirabel Centre – http://mirabelcentre.org/ , where rape and sexual assault victims can get access to forensic medical assistance, and more importantly professional counselling services. They are located at Lagos State University Teaching Hospital (LASUTH) Ikeja, Lagos, and are open from 9am – 5pm – Monday – Friday, and 10am – 4pm on weekends & Public Holidays. They can also be reached on these numbers: 07013491769, 01-2957816, 08176275732, 08176275695; and on Twitter: @MirabelCentreNG and Facebook: www.facebook.com/MirabelNigeria

In USA, organisations like RAINN, The National Alliance To End Sexual Violence (NAESV) are on the move to helping rape survivors.

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