“Going down”, “giving head”, “blow jobs”, these are some of the names given to oral sex. oral sex means using your mouth and tongue to stimulate your partner’s genital or anal area.
Research has it that the giving and receiving of oral sex in a relationship clearly shows who is more in love. Oral sex has long been seen as as an act of intimacy and trust in a relationship, and its importance has not wavered.
According to a study conducted by Victoria Milan, 75% of women and 85% of men say they think oral sex has a place in every bedroom and the performance of it shouldn’t taper off as the years go on.
Oral sex is usually one of the first activities most couples engaging in a relationship before moving into sex.
According to an article written in Avert.org, there is not an exact way to perform Oral sex. Different techniques work with different people:
A lot has been written about how to give the best oral sex. But the truth is that different things work for different people.
There’s a whole variety of ways to lick, suck and stimulate – different people may like to give and receive oral sex in different ways. Remember that it can take a while to work out what makes someone feel good.
You may feel nervous before having oral sex – whether you’re giving it or receiving it. The best thing to do is to carry on communicating with your partner. Ask them to tell you what feels nice and let them know when you are enjoying something.
If you’re happy and comfortable with the person you’re with then oral sex can be a great way to get physically closer and learn what turns each other on. But remember that you can pause or stop at any point you want, and the same is true for your partner. Just because you have started something doesn’t mean you need to continue – stopping is actually very normal.
How to give your man a blow job
Spontaneity: “It’s everything. Pull it out anywhere,” Dr. Draion said. Interrupting routine is the key to keeping the experience exciting.
“Pull it out in the bathroom, in the car,” he said. “He comes home from work, get to business.”
Hands on: “Start with the hand to get it erect a little bit. Make sure you have lube because otherwise it can get painful,” Dr. Draion explained. “If your hands get tired, you can always use your breasts; one of the many great reasons to have them”.
Play with it: Dr. Draion advised us to take some time before getting to the main event: “Before you put the tip or the head in your mouth, play all around with your tongue. Play with the shaft, play with the skin, play with his balls.”
Rolling in the deep: “When you’re ready, put it all in your mouth and go as deep as you can,” Dr. Draion said. Now, here’s a trick for our ladies who aren’t good at deep-throating: The doctor said to put the tip of your tongue at the roof of your mouth before inserting the penis, which gives the illusion that it’s hitting your throat.
Go for the prostate: “Put your fingertips underneath his balls, between the anus and the testicles and press up. That stimulates the prostate gland,” he explained. I know, I know, some of you just yelled, “FOUL PLAY” at the thought of butt play. But this is a super erogenous zone for men. If you’re up for it, and your man is a little skittish, Dr. Draion advises you to wait until he’s at the point of no return before touching his hot spot. “Sometimes when men get so orgasmic, you can touch their prostate then because they will be more uninhibited,” he informed.
In the zone: Men have hot spots that you may not even know about. Dr. Draion told us the raphe is that dark line that crosses through the middle of their scrotum. He explained that licking that area is sure to give your man plenty of pleasure. The rest of your partner’s sex zones are for you to discover. “It could be the neck or the back of the ears – explore, try it out,” he said.
Some tips from skilled ladies have been extracted from Women’s Health Magazine to educate ladies on how to give their partner a mind-blowing orgasm.
- “Just because it’s oral sex doesn’t mean you only use your mouth. Use your hands to hold at the base. And ball play is always fair play.” —Carly H.
- “Any time my jaw or neck needs a break, I pull back and just focus on the tip. If you have plenty of lube or saliva, you can keep pumping with your hands while you circle, lick, and suck on the tip. Best of both worlds—for both of you!” —Anne G.
- “There’s this little spot where the shaft meets the balls that is super sensitive. My ex once told me it was like I hit his g-spot. Nailed it!” —Sara K.
- “I sometimes add flavored lube when I’m giving oral sex. I think the lube makes it feel better for him, and it gives me something to enjoy, too.” —Isabel J.
- “If I’m starting to get tired, or need a break to swallow my saliva (gross, but it happens), I slow down the speed. Once I’ve had a little break, I speed it up again. I think the change in tempo really feels good for him.” —Natalie H.
- “Ask what he likes. You’ll feel way more confident if you know the rhythm, speed, and little quirks that he prefers.” —Melissa S.
- “My go-to move is sucking on the tip while also using my hand on the shaft. I’ll slowly bring my hand up and over the head, then put the tip in my mouth again as I bring my hand back down. It’s almost like that hand-over-hand massage technique, but it’s hand over mouth!” –Sarah H.
- “I always think about how much he’s enjoying it—and how amazing he is at reciprocating—and it makes me really enjoy being on the giving end.” —Lindsay P.
- “When he’s about to climax, I gently pull on his balls to make him last a little bit longer. My boyfriend always says it makes it even more intense.” —Elizabeth O.
- “When you’re focusing on the tip, don’t forget the underside of the head—it’s a really sensitive spot.” —Malia G.
- “I make moaning noises while going down on him. It turns him on even more and lets him know I enjoy making him feel this good.” —Margrite W.
How to go down on a woman
According to Alex Manley, a sex educator and relationship writer, you need to be prepared before performing oral on a woman so as not to become confused and panicked at the middle of the activity. He went further to discussing some tips and techniques on giving blow jobs.
1. Locate the Clitoris
As mentioned above, for many people, the main thrust of oral sex is licking the clitoral head, which pokes out from under the clitoral hood, just above the vaginal opening. Whether you’re looking for it or feeling for it by touch, finding it is an important first step in performing oral.
For some people, it’ll be a little bit harder to find, depending on their body type, pubic hair, and the size of their clitoris and hood, but the hunt will be worth it.
2. Get Licking
Once you’ve located your partner’s clitoris, well, start licking it! There are lots of different ways to lick your partner’s clit — quickly or slowly, using the whole length or your tongue or just the tip; softly or more powerfully.
Here, you should be trying to figure out what your partner likes, so in the early going, it’s worth testing out different licking styles. Often, different techniques will feel good at different times; sometimes a method of licking that feels very good at one moment can be too intense the next, and so forth.
The important thing is to be sensitive to anything your partner says (“Go faster!” or “Ooh! Too hard!”, etc.) and to pay attention to their breathing patterns or moaning.
Often, when you hit a certain rhythm, it’ll be obvious that it’s working even if your partner doesn’t say a word, since sexual arousal is often translated unconsciously into physical responses, like heavier breathing, muscles tensing and back arching, among others.
3. Fall in Love With the Vulva
Would you enjoy oral if you sensed your partner was struggling with the concept of putting your penis anywhere near their mouth? Probably not. Sex is more fun when everyone’s enjoying it — so try to bring that same energy to oral sex.
“The more you enjoy yourself, the more your partner will enjoy the experience,” says Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., host of the Drive Her Wild video course. “Your partner may have received negative messages about their genitals growing up (and into adulthood) and while it’s not your job to undo all of the damaging effects, if you show appreciation and admiration for their vulva, it may help them to relax and be more present.”
4. Play With the Lips
One part of oral sex that sometimes gets overlooked is playing with your partner’s labia minora, colloquially known as “pussy lips.”
“Remember that you can stimulate the internal erectile tissue of the clitoris via the lips,” O’Reilly notes. “Rub, grind and press against the lips on the outside and you’ll likely stimulate the internal clitoral complex.”
This might not be as pleasurable as licking or sucking on the clitoris, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a fun part of the equation, and it’s a good option if you want to throw in some variation here and there.
5. Don’t Make Assumptions
“Every vulva is different,” says O’Reilly. “What worked for a previous partner may not work for your current partner(s), so don’t make assumptions.” Kayla Lords, sexpert for JackAndJillAdult.com, agrees. “Not every partner wants oral sex in the same way,” she says. “Even if your previous partner loved that thing you did with your tongue, your next partner could hate it.”
6. Ask About What Feels Good
So if assumptions are off the table, how do you know what to do? Simple. You ask. “Ask for feedback and follow their lead and guidance,” says O’Reilly.”
“Always ask what your partner likes. Always,” Lords adds. “Don’t guess or assume. Ask.”
Asking about what your partner likes or wants can seem daunting if you’re not used to it — but it’s a good habit to get into. For starters, caring about your partner’s experience is one of the cornerstones of sexual consent; second, being able to navigate those conversations, both during sex and outside of the bedroom, will make for better sex for both of you.
7. Make Some Noise
You might be focused on what you’re doing — and your partner might be the one making the majority of the noise — but being too quiet can actually be a little bit disconcerting.
“Your lover wants to know that you’re enjoying yourself, so let your sounds emanate without inhibition,” O’Reilly suggests. “Breathe deeply, moan if you like it and allow your sounds of enthusiasm and pleasure to vibrate throughout their body.”
You can also take a moment here and there to talk to your partner — telling them how much you’re enjoying yourself, or how much you like how they taste, or even talking dirty.
8. Switch Up the Positions
You might have pictured all of this occurring in a missionary-style position, with your partner on their back, legs spread, and you lying or kneeling in front of them. But while that is a common and simple way to approach cunnilingus, it’s far from the only way to make it work.
“Oral sex can be done in many positions — from the typical missionary style to face-sitting to licking her from the back,” Lords notes. “Feel free to change things up.”
It’s also something that can be done in standing or sitting positions — meaning you can still go down on your partner even if you don’t have a flat surface like a bed or couch to work with.