- “Just because it’s oral sex doesn’t mean you only use your mouth. Use your hands to hold at the base. And ball play is always fair play.” —Carly H.
- “Any time my jaw or neck needs a break, I pull back and just focus on the tip. If you have plenty of lube or saliva, you can keep pumping with your hands while you circle, lick, and suck on the tip. Best of both worlds—for both of you!” —Anne G.
- “There’s this little spot where the shaft meets the balls that is super sensitive. My ex once told me it was like I hit his g-spot. Nailed it!” —Sara K.
- “I sometimes add flavored lube when I’m giving oral sex. I think the lube makes it feel better for him, and it gives me something to enjoy, too.” —Isabel J.
- “If I’m starting to get tired, or need a break to swallow my saliva (gross, but it happens), I slow down the speed. Once I’ve had a little break, I speed it up again. I think the change in tempo really feels good for him.” —Natalie H.
- “Ask what he likes. You’ll feel way more confident if you know the rhythm, speed, and little quirks that he prefers.” —Melissa S.
- “My go-to move is sucking on the tip while also using my hand on the shaft. I’ll slowly bring my hand up and over the head, then put the tip in my mouth again as I bring my hand back down. It’s almost like that hand-over-hand massage technique, but it’s hand over mouth!” –Sarah H.
- “I always think about how much he’s enjoying it—and how amazing he is at reciprocating—and it makes me really enjoy being on the giving end.” —Lindsay P.
- “When he’s about to climax, I gently pull on his balls to make him last a little bit longer. My boyfriend always says it makes it even more intense.” —Elizabeth O.
- “When you’re focusing on the tip, don’t forget the underside of the head—it’s a really sensitive spot.” —Malia G.
- “I make moaning noises while going down on him. It turns him on even more and lets him know I enjoy making him feel this good.” —Margrite W.
How to go down on a woman
According to Alex Manley, a sex educator and relationship writer, you need to be prepared before performing oral on a woman so as not to become confused and panicked at the middle of the activity. He went further to discussing some tips and techniques on giving blow jobs.
1. Locate the Clitoris
As mentioned above, for many people, the main thrust of oral sex is licking the clitoral head, which pokes out from under the clitoral hood, just above the vaginal opening. Whether you’re looking for it or feeling for it by touch, finding it is an important first step in performing oral.
For some people, it’ll be a little bit harder to find, depending on their body type, pubic hair, and the size of their clitoris and hood, but the hunt will be worth it.
2. Get Licking
Once you’ve located your partner’s clitoris, well, start licking it! There are lots of different ways to lick your partner’s clit — quickly or slowly, using the whole length or your tongue or just the tip; softly or more powerfully.
Here, you should be trying to figure out what your partner likes, so in the early going, it’s worth testing out different licking styles. Often, different techniques will feel good at different times; sometimes a method of licking that feels very good at one moment can be too intense the next, and so forth.
The important thing is to be sensitive to anything your partner says (“Go faster!” or “Ooh! Too hard!”, etc.) and to pay attention to their breathing patterns or moaning.
Often, when you hit a certain rhythm, it’ll be obvious that it’s working even if your partner doesn’t say a word, since sexual arousal is often translated unconsciously into physical responses, like heavier breathing, muscles tensing and back arching, among others.
3. Fall in Love With the Vulva
Would you enjoy oral if you sensed your partner was struggling with the concept of putting your penis anywhere near their mouth? Probably not. Sex is more fun when everyone’s enjoying it — so try to bring that same energy to oral sex.
“The more you enjoy yourself, the more your partner will enjoy the experience,” says Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., host of the Drive Her Wild video course. “Your partner may have received negative messages about their genitals growing up (and into adulthood) and while it’s not your job to undo all of the damaging effects, if you show appreciation and admiration for their vulva, it may help them to relax and be more present.”
4. Play With the Lips
One part of oral sex that sometimes gets overlooked is playing with your partner’s labia minora, colloquially known as “pussy lips.”
“Remember that you can stimulate the internal erectile tissue of the clitoris via the lips,” O’Reilly notes. “Rub, grind and press against the lips on the outside and you’ll likely stimulate the internal clitoral complex.”
This might not be as pleasurable as licking or sucking on the clitoris, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a fun part of the equation, and it’s a good option if you want to throw in some variation here and there.
5. Don’t Make Assumptions
“Every vulva is different,” says O’Reilly. “What worked for a previous partner may not work for your current partner(s), so don’t make assumptions.” Kayla Lords, sexpert for JackAndJillAdult.com, agrees. “Not every partner wants oral sex in the same way,” she says. “Even if your previous partner loved that thing you did with your tongue, your next partner could hate it.”
6. Ask About What Feels Good
So if assumptions are off the table, how do you know what to do? Simple. You ask. “Ask for feedback and follow their lead and guidance,” says O’Reilly.”
“Always ask what your partner likes. Always,” Lords adds. “Don’t guess or assume. Ask.”
Asking about what your partner likes or wants can seem daunting if you’re not used to it — but it’s a good habit to get into. For starters, caring about your partner’s experience is one of the cornerstones of sexual consent; second, being able to navigate those conversations, both during sex and outside of the bedroom, will make for better sex for both of you.
7. Make Some Noise
You might be focused on what you’re doing — and your partner might be the one making the majority of the noise — but being too quiet can actually be a little bit disconcerting.
“Your lover wants to know that you’re enjoying yourself, so let your sounds emanate without inhibition,” O’Reilly suggests. “Breathe deeply, moan if you like it and allow your sounds of enthusiasm and pleasure to vibrate throughout their body.”
You can also take a moment here and there to talk to your partner — telling them how much you’re enjoying yourself, or how much you like how they taste, or even talking dirty.
8. Switch Up the Positions
You might have pictured all of this occurring in a missionary-style position, with your partner on their back, legs spread, and you lying or kneeling in front of them. But while that is a common and simple way to approach cunnilingus, it’s far from the only way to make it work.
“Oral sex can be done in many positions — from the typical missionary style to face-sitting to licking her from the back,” Lords notes. “Feel free to change things up.”
It’s also something that can be done in standing or sitting positions — meaning you can still go down on your partner even if you don’t have a flat surface like a bed or couch to work with.