Here is what it looks like👇👇👇👇
Several years ago when I was still an undergraduate, I boarded a tricycle popularly known as “Keke Napep” in Nigeria. A typical Keke Napep has a single wide seat at the back which can contain only 3 passengers, with a reasonable wide seat at the front meant for drivers who share that seat with another passenger.
On this particular hot Tuesday afternoon, I sat at the entrance of the Keke Napep with two other passengers, one at the front with the driver and one at the back with me. The sun was scorching and we sat down restlessly and uncomfortably, waiting for the last passenger. Luckily for me, he came almost immediately I sat down. He was a large man in his early 40s. When he got to the entrance of the Napep, I adjusted my legs in order to create a space through which he would pass to sit at the middle of me and the other passenger. The man stared at me with cold eyes, refused to enter and commanded me to shift; he wanted my own seat. I politely told him that I was sick and needed to stay beside the door for fresh air. I even went to the extent of explaining that I had vomited twice that day from food poisoning; I was on my way to the hospital.
After a short tensed seconds, the man told me that he was too large to fit in through the narrow opening I gave. So, I got down for him to pass through and I got the biggest shock of my life- the man sat down on my seat! I stared at him, almost crying and at the same time angry and feeling betrayed. Other passengers there didn’t interfere, they sat down watching our exchange. The man obviously cheated me off my seat, but neither the passengers nor the driver could defend what was right.
My second shock came when the man told the driver to leave me behind. He promised to pay for the vacant seat remaining. I watched in silence as the Napep drove away leaving me behind in my sickly condition. I stood weakly with the sun shining angrily over my head for an hour waiting for a vehicle. Then, I fainted. It was a good Samaritan who drove me to the hospital.
Two weeks ago, I interviewed some sets of young graduates looking for jobs. Four out of many came out successful. As a HR specialist, I am in charge of recruitment and. employment. A part of their employment requirements was that the four candidate would tender in a guarantor who would be interviewed by me and must be one of their parents, this was due to the sensitivity of their job functions.
Yesterday, one of the candidates brought in his parent and I got the third biggest shock of my life- it was the large Napep man! He didn’t recognize me. I conducted the interview, have him things to sign and yes, he passed the interview aspect successfully. What was left then was for me to congratulate his son and give him his employment letter. I asked him if he recognized me, he said no, so I had the honour of refreshing his memory. He looked so shocked and started getting defensive. He said that I deserved it, that I wanted him, an adult man, to sit down between two women. He even called me a ‘short rat’ who doesn’t have respect. He was prancing and panting around the office, with mad vengeance in his eyes he told me that I must give his son his employment letter.
While he was doing this, his son was seated on his seat crying profusely like a baby and shouting, “daddy stop all these!”. Initially, I wanted to call the security, tear the employment letter and have them walked off the premises because the mantle was with me and I had the power to do anything then, but I had compassion on the young man. I stood up, handed him his employment letter and left the interview hall. I wouldn’t have felt happy destroying a beautiful fruit just because of an ugly tree.
The concept ‘Me, Myself and I’ singularly means ‘narcissism’. Nothing can be built through this, in fact, it destroys everything, friendship, relationship, business deals, organisation and even a nation.
The world has evolved to a time where no one is anyone’s business. This is showcased in our day to day interactions with people, involvement in societal and political enterprises.
We shouldn’t have a misplaced judgement about selfishness. Selfishness and narcissism are not the same. Putting yourself first is not selfish, constantly thinking about yourself is selfish, but constantly thinking about yourself first with the sole aim of punishing others is narcissism. Selfishness is a continuum egoistical behaviour that when not checked might graduate to ‘narcissism’.
In a country where there is no love and consideration for others, there will never be development. This menace is constantly on a killing spree and it is transforming into wickedness. Unfortunately, what we have today among some of our political leaders is no longer selfishness, but narcissism, extreme love for themselves without regards for others.
Having a ‘Me, Myself and I’ syndrome is also reflected when you have the capacity to speak up, fight for or challenge a course especially when it has to do with other people, but you fail to do so due to lack of empathy. The passengers in the story kept mute, they had the capability of standing up for what was right, but they sat there watching with interest. Love, care and consideration for human life and property should be inculcated and preached in our daily life. A single tree can never make a forest. No man can succeed on his own, we all need to build a selfless relationship with one another.
Unfortunately, a self centered person is sometimes seen as a narcissist. But no, a self centered person just do what he does unconsciously because he is used to getting what he wants and behaving like that while a narcissist do what he does because he has the power to do and he feels he has the right to do it. A narcissist person uses his actions as acts of punishment. Some children were spoilt while growing up that at their adult age they feel everyone should be at their beck and call, they grow up to be selfish. When you call a selfish person’s attention to an action he did, he retraces his steps and listens to you, don’t be surprised that he would try hard not to repeat that same thing in the future. But when you call a narcissistic person’s attention to an action, he would also listen to you, sometimes with anger. That same action you brought his attention to, he will do it again purposely in order to hurt you or to punish you. He never listens in order to change, he listens in order to punish.
Parents should be at alert in correcting the behaviour of their wards. If you notice that they are always whining to get everything they want, if they believe that it is their right to get everything they want and not need, always wanting to be the centre of attention, always asking you to buy everything they see in the hands of other children etc, then prior corrective measures should be taken to make them responsible adults.
Let’s our relationship with our spouses be free from any selfish action that would put them at risks. Let’s always fight for what is right. Obey this revolution call and let our ‘Me, Myself and I’ become ‘You, They and I’.
“Are you single?”
This is exciting. Why are they asking? Do they want to know if you’re unattached so they can ask you out on a date? Or is it just small talk again?
It’s a fairly innocuous question, isn’t it? Are you single? Or the flip side, are you married?
It’s the kind of thing you ask someone you’ve met at a party after “what’s your name?” and “where do you come from?” It’s impossible to cause offence by asking someone whether or not they have a partner, surely… Are you mad?
Once again, the problem with the question is in the answer. What are they going to do with it once they find out? Let’s take it from there.
“Yes. I’m single,” you respond, casually stroking your moustache.
“Are you busy this weekend?” they reply. “I need a date for a party on a yacht moored in Monaco. Blumenthal’s doing the food. Sheeran’s doing the music. We’re getting there by private jet. Just bring your swimming costume.”
That would be your best case scenario (except perhaps for the Sheeran). More likely, as has frequently happened to me since I’ve looked old enough to sign a register, the person asking the question puts their head on one side and gives a smile that says not “fantastic, now I can make my move” but “I wonder what’s wrong with you?” (It was probably the moustache).
Since Noah shuffled all the animals except the manmade ones* onto the Ark, mammals have been going two-by-two. Admitting that you’re without a “better half”, or even “a half you would push under a bus if you thought no one was looking”, generally elicits pity and not a little distrust.
You feel it even at an actual singles’ night, where people without partners, who are supposedly looking for love , approach potential dates in a spirit of anxious trepidation, each convinced they’re the only person in the room who is single by circumstance and not because they’re a potential bunny boiler. To be single is to be suspicious.
And yet the number of people living alone is very much on the rise. The Office of National Statistics calculated that almost eight million people were living alone in the UK last year. The ONS further estimates that by 2020, the number of households where people live alone will increase by another two million.
That’s an awful lot of weirdoes. Or widows. Widowers. Divorcees. Single people who haven’t started looking. Single people who are actively looking. And single people who’ve looked and decided they don’t actually want to be in a relationship at all. That’s a pretty broad group to consider somehow lacking.
Yet we do make judgements based on people’s relationships or lack of them and the most prevalent assumption is that coupled up is better. “Four legs good, two legs bad,” to borrow a phrase from Snowball in Orwell’s Animal Farm. (Six legs is something else entirely.)
Fortunately, in a work context, it’s illegal to discriminate against someone just because they don’t have a romantic partner. Questions about marital status are among those proscribed by the Equality Act of 2010. An interviewer should never ask if you’re single.
That said, “singlism” is rife in the workplace with a recent study of 25,000 workers by Opportunity Now, finding that two thirds of those without families reported they were expected to work longer hours than colleagues with partners and children.
Likewise, single workers complain that they have to provide holiday cover for those with families. And when they do get to go on holidays, they’re hit with the dreaded single supplement of course.
Being single definitely isn’t the cheaper option and it’s not just single supplements on your holiday accommodation versus the married person’s tax break. Many things are more expensive when you’re on your own.
While officially your employer can’t discriminate against you for not having a partner, insurers certainly discriminate based on relationship status.
The Comparethemarket.com website puts it this way, “Marriage symbolises so many things, not least it demonstrates that you’re responsible and care enough about another human being not to do anything crazy or reckless.” Which equals lower insurance premiums for the coupled up.
I’ve seen it in action. A few years ago, having accrued a few points on my licence for speeding (Not clever, I know), I was having a hell of a time finding someone to insure my Fiat Panda for less than a hundred million pounds. A friend suggested I add him to my insurance application as an extra driver.
The cost immediately dropped by nearly two hundred quid. Since the website hadn’t at that point asked for any details beyond his name, I can only assume that an algorithm decided my friend was my partner and he’d be sitting beside me whenever I got behind the wheel, tutting and scowling if I went over 30 in a 50 zone.
Surely by the same token, I’d be just as likely to go crazy, put my foot down and run every red light on the south circular every time the controlling bastard wasn’t in the car?
It doesn’t make a lot of sense. Technically, single people may have more car accidents but that statistic must be skewed by all the newly licensed 17 year olds who aren’t married because they’re still at school.
Age and experience is the factor there. Not whether “you’re responsible and care enough about another human being not to do anything crazy or reckless”. Crazy and reckless like marry the wrong person because all your mates are coupled up and you feel like the odd one out?
Marriage might just as well equal desperation, depression and a desire to divorce as stability.
While divorce is generally on the decline, that might be due more to the fact that in the current economic climate people simply can’t afford to split a household rather than because we’re getting better at relationships. And when people do get divorced, they’re no longer in such a rush to couple up again.
At least, the women aren’t. A recent survey showed that fewer than half of female divorcees would be willing to tie the knot again. To quote Shakespeare, Gandhi and the Dalai Lama (according to the internet), “there’s nothing lonelier than being with the wrong person”. Exactly.
I’ll leave the last word on the question “are you single” to this unattributed quote (found on a Pinterest board), which might come in handy next time that bore breathing whisky hears you answer “yes” and suggests it’s because you’re being picky or not making enough of an effort (it’s that moustache again).
“Stop asking why I’m still single and I won’t ask why you’re still married.”
*The “manmade animals”. A friend’s step-mother, a devout denier of evolution, answered her son’s question about how big the ark would have had to be to get all the world’s creatures on board by explaining that some of the animals were in fact manmade and thus not around in Noah’s time.
She didn’t specify the animals in question, but my friend and I concluded they must include the duck-billed platypus and the aye-aye. I mean, come on, they were clearly both invented in the course of a drinking game.